God Listens…And Answers!

Yesterday, I was feeling pretty rough and beaten up. Today hasn’t been so bad, but it’s been a little weird in places. I had some rather surprising news this morning which I then tried to process during the day, not really sure what to make of it. I spent most of the day chatting to people, but then, this afternoon, I received another unexpected telephone call with some rather good news.

I am praying that this is my answer to prayer. I am praying this is the Lord’s hand over my life, that He is showing me that He has everything in hand. For months, I’ve had Romans 8:28 cycling round my head:

For we know that all things work out for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.

(Romans 8:28, My Version!)

Before that phone call today, I had pretty much given up hope. I was close to giving in, accepting defeat, deciding that I must have been all along. But that phone call gave me hope. I pray this is my purpose that I’ve been waiting for. I pray that this is what the Lord has had me waiting for. I pray that this is the fulfilment of the words that people have spoken over me.

If it isn’t, I’m confused. If it isn’t, then the words spoken over me make little sense and the wait goes on. If it isn’t, I’m back to square one, more than a year after I thought I had it worked out. If it isn’t, I really need answers, because otherwise, I really will be tested. But God promises that all things work out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I pray that this is my purpose so that I can fulfil my purposes for Him and praise God for His faithfulness.

Please Lord, deliver me that victory and I will proclaim it from the rooftops. Give me that victory and I will not deny you your glory or deny you praise. I will tell of your great faithfulness to the great assembly and beyond. Pull me through, Lord, and show my doubts to be the doubts of a man leaning on his own understanding. Lord, I trust that you have this in your hands. Take it, Lord, and show me that path ahead.

 

Rescue Me From My Slumber

In You, O LORD, I put my trust; Let me never be put to shame.
Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape; Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
Be my strong refuge, To which I may resort continually;
You have given the commandment to save me, For You are my rock and my fortress.

Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, Out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
For You are my hope, O Lord GOD; You are my trust from my youth.
By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb. My praise shall be continually of You.

(Psalm 71:1-6, New King James Version [NKJV])

It’s hard to trust God when you can’t see what He’s doing, or He doesn’t seem to give you answers. That’s how I’ve been feeling on and off for the past few months. All I’ve seen is doors slammed shut, and haven’t seen any open. Am I missing them? Are they not there? Have I missed the point entirely?

Today was one of those bad, unconstructive days of wondering what I’m doing and what my purpose is. It was a struggle to get out of bed. I felt I had nothing to get up for. My lack of purpose is virtually killing me at times, in a physical and mental sense. I have days when my entire being just halts, shuts down. Nothing works. I hibernate. I avoid people. The world passes me by. I sit at my chair and I mull. I despair. I am paralysed.

My life doesn’t make sense. But somehow, I muster the faith to believe that God will bring me through. I look at how He has pulled me through before and I choose to believe He will again. I trust that He knows what He’s doing, even though I am lost and miserable.

Give me hope, Lord. Give me strength for tomorrow. Give me purpose. Save me from my slumber. I beg thee – show me the path forward, and your plans for me. My accuser prods me, tells me you don’t care for your people. Demonstrate your power, Lord. Vindicate me – or show me where I’ve gone wrong.